my feelings..

An idiot brain is what I always have
Since then, you’re the one that I love
You, all alone in my heart,
who have eyes for someone, that’s really hurt

you don’t even know how I feel probably
your day will surely not include me
Because there are still someone else
that you want to be with you memories.

I am the only one who can love you this way
to be with you is what I always pray
It’s only me, the one who is always watching you
and the one who is silently crying because of you

watching those smile on your lips
for me, it’s a kind of my happiness
even though to the very end
you can never understand my heart, you can’t.

suddenly i look at him, and he’s staring at her
i get inlove through his smile, those smile made by that girl
i feel so sad everytime that he’s in tears and not fine
and those teardrops is for her and still not mine

i wish i am her so i can give him a cure
to mend his burdens and my love will be so pure
but I’m not her, because I am Jealous and lost
and she’s the only girl whome he loved the most

even for a second, can i own your smile and a drop of tear?
those sweetest thoughts, in dreams only i can hear
but i want you! i need you! not only in dreams but in here
here in reality that only i can hear and own is fear

bakit nga ba hanggang ngayo’y ikaw parin
ang pangalan mo sa isip ko ay may diin
ang puso kong ito’y sadya ngang makulit
isipin ka’t mahalin ka’y sya parin ang pilit

sa aking paggising, ikaw ang pinapangarap
hanggang sa panaginip ay ikaw ang hanap-hanap
madalas na ngang sa sarili ko’y naaawa
sabihing kalimutan ka’y di ko nagagawa

hanggang ngayo’y di matanggap ang lahat ng sakit
ang mga dating tamis ay ngayo’y kay pait
kase minahal kita ng lubos-lubos
kaya ngayon pagmamahal sa sarili ko’y naubos.

hanggang ngayon, mahal parin kita
nakapaikot parin ang mundo ko sayo sinta
puso ko’y tila sasabog at nagwawala
sa t’wing iniisip kong ako sayo’y wala na

sa pagiwan mo sakin, biglaan mong nilisan
di ka parin nawala sa isip ko ni minsan
sa bawat gabi na balisa’t laging umiiyak
ay ang mga gabing kapiling mo sya’t puno ng galak

siguro nga ngayo’y masaya ka na sa piling nya
kung itatan0ng kong mahal mo ba ko’y iiling ka
lahat ng mga pagkukulang ko’y sa kanya mo nahanap
kaya pano pa kita makakasama at muling mayayakap

ang hindi ka makasama ako’y inip na inip
pero ni minsan ba’y nasubukan mo kong  maisip?
lalo na ngayo’t alam kong masaya ka na..
sa iyong puso ay mayrong ng ibang nakapana

paano na nga ba ako ngayong wala ka na?
sino nang magbibigay sigla saking mga mata?
paano na mapupunan ng saya ang aking bibig?
kung alam ko nang sa iba ka na umiibig..

my fifteen year’ life left together with cupids. i guess cupids are finally tired of me. The feeling is GONE. I can now feel nothing, no more heartaches. It’s a new beginning for a new chapter. Before, im too weak to forget but now, I’m too much strong to accept! To accept that things are enough. It can no longer back from sweetness just like before. Those sweetness came out from a man, he who must not be loved. I am successfully awake from a darkness lies. Life after death. And well, thanks to him. He helped me to heal, and to forget. I knew that it’s really hard to move on especially if you really loved that someone. That someone who really broke your heart. But think of it, you must accept the truth.Forget those illusions that will never ever make happen. It is real that what you think is what will happen that gave me the power of strength to face its hardness. Be determined to move on and there you’ll find success!
To a man whom I loved the most, thank you! Thank you for making me feel this way. You taught me how to love and how to be maltreated and get hurt. Thank you for your fake love that gave me satisfaction and happiness. I appreciate you when you spend your time with me because you were just totally bored. Thank you for calling my name every time you need help and with no doubt, I will easily go beside you then left me after i gave your needs and wants. Thank you for playing with me. Thank you for flirting those girls every time I’m with you. I believe that you’re just making me feel so jealous to show how much I love you. Those things you did were very awesome. You’re so sweeeet! Are those what you call love? Ooh..I’m very much loved by you. But sorry, I need space. I’m so much tired for your love. Thank you and Good bye!

SALAMAT SA INYO. opo. nagbday nga p0 ako. hehe APRIL 04, 2009.

salamat sa lahat ng iba’t ibang pagbati. happy birthday, beerday(no JP?), burpday(no romansa?haha) borpday, borday, may bert-day pa, ska berat-day haha sori di nako berat in the end. haha

salamat sa mga nagsipunta. sa mga nakikain..pti raw pangalmusal nia kinabukasan kinain na nya.haha salamat din sa mga bata na gnawa atang children’s party aha salamt din sa mga nkimirienda na muntikan ng maubusan haha senxa nahuli kase kau ee(JP),salamat rin sa isang celebrity na nagpunta. walang iba kundi si BUDEY. at pumayag pa xang makapicture ko hehe salamat din sa mga nagsabing pupunta sila khit di naman nagpunta hay okay lang un! hhe
salamat s mga nagbigay ng regalo. mga drawings, cash, cards, presence, love and whatever hehe salamat din pala sa nagbigay sakin ng SALMON-BAKA made in pansit at ulam ahah thnkyou ^^

at oo nga pala, salamat sa taong nagpabadtrip sakin the day before my birthday. haha ayos ka ah!

bago ko tapusin, SALAMAT NGA PALA HA? hehe. nakalimutan kong magthnkyou LOL.

1hr and 8 minutes bef0re my bday. and..im on a break of tear. tears of joy? a big no! erg at lalo pa kong naiiyak dito sa fated to love you niay. bat nga ba ako umiiyak? i mean, iiyak palang pala. dont ask me bcos i too d0nt know why. =/ well honestly sia ung dahilan ng pagiyak ko haha niay. :c too sad. magbbday nalang ako pag33pan pako ayayay. sobrang sama nya talalga per0 bat why am i still falling for him? the heck! putek. oo mahal ko sya. mahal na mahal pero? angkorni ko ah.haha 10839849291 times ko ng sinubukang magmoveon but the heck! di ko kaya… waaaaah

hindi ko na hinintay mag 12 kaya umuwi nako sa bahay para matulog. tutal wala narin akong kachat nun. iniwan nya kase ako pagkatapos nia ko pag3pan. ansaket no? paguwi ko sa bahay, tinulak ko yung pinto, dadan! wala na yatang tao sa bahay. sinund0 kase si kuya gilbert sa erp0rt. ayun..so pano nako matutulog diba? ayun. nasa bahay pala namin si shanice kaya di ako makaiyak sa sarili kong kwarto ahaha niay. sa banyo nalang tuloy.di ko na matiis e. ayun..pretend lang ng pretend. pag kausap ko sya, jolly ako. tas pag tatalikod, naluluha.

very bad trip. bday na bday nwala sa mood.

buri ku mang aminan keka tune kung daramdaman
ing midinang sikan lub, ala kung piyandaman
masakit keng puso ku na ali ku agyung agulisak
ing eku asabing kaluguran daka, tune kakung sasaksak

balang akakit daka, buri dakang kawlan
keng panimanman ku’y edanaka buring pakawalan
ing bawat segundu keka kumu buring ilaan
kasu ing daramdaman mu para kaku’y masakit aulan

ali ku balu nung kaluguran mu kurin
o kaya, kapatad mu ing kanaku mu turing
achu na ngan ata keka..kaya ku lubusang meakit
kasu mu alang kasiguraduan ing kekang papakit

ikamu ing mamye sigla’t saya kanaku
kareng pagkukulang dareng aliwa, ika ing mamaku
kaya eka magalala, oyni ing kakung pangaku
hangga na keng mate ku, ikamung luguran ku

by request.

waaa nakakabwisit!! err!!!! alam mo ng masasaktan ka pag nakita mo, pero titignan at titignan mo parin. potek! i got jealous jealous jealous!! waaaaaa. NAKAKAASAR!!! waa i can’t really get out of him! the heck!waa ayoko na! ayoko ng maging korni! ..aray ko ansakit sa kamay pag pinapalo ung table ng computer ko..waaaaa nakakabaliw!!!

It’s just an ordinary conversation but heart started to beat fast with these terms. 1. ah ahahaha.. pro may syota ang lintik na yun.. dame dian haha.. kaw kc lalake ka e=bleh. ..ano yun? kung babae ako, ako nalang? bat kasi lalaki turing mo sa’kin e. hmp tsk erase erase. imposible. binibilog mo na naman ang ulo ko hay..

2. “ita na kea?” this is a pampango which has different meanings. it can be “yun na kaya” or “tayo na kaya?” in tagalog. “that’s it” or “can we be?”. Sinend nya sakin. kaso, hindi ko alam kung ano yung ibig sabihin. chat lang kasi sa ym kaya di ko alam ang pronounciation hmp. hindi rin naman kasi parehong konektado yung ibig sabihin nung salita sa pinaguusapan namin. (pano na? lol)

——

i love you, you know?